You're building a coaching practice. Or striving for more leadership and influence at work. Or wondering what the best course of action is for your kids. Or not sure how to go forward in a relationship.
All of these things involve decision making. Nothing quite triggers the E-G-O like decision making.
Because what if we make the wrong one?
What if we quit that toxic job... and it turns out that the devil we know really IS better than the devil we don't?
What if we do this kind of sleep training and ruin our bond with our baby?
What if we take this risk at work and it flops and we make an ass of ourselves and worse, lose our credibility?
What if we take some time to ourselves to get clarity on a relationship, and in the meantime, they find someone else?
This kind of thinking often looks like this:
"Well, if I take a break in the relationship I'll probably get the clarity I need but he could find someone else in the meantime and then what if I realize he really was the one for me and then I've lost him?
But if I keep talking to him I can't get my mind clear and it's not healthy anyway so if I just pull back a little then maybe I can get clarity but stay in the relationship. But then he might think I'm not interested and pull back too.
Or I can just keep going forward like this and think about it some more, just sit with it, but then I've wasted my time if he really ISN'T the one and I could have been taking a break and meeting someone else..."
My clients and I affectionately call this:
The What-If Flowchart of Insanity (AKA THE WIFI).
Click the image above to share on Pinterest/Facebook/Twitter. Spread the high-vibe love!
Trying to go down all the possible roads of what-if robs you of your ability to stay in a high-vibe place. So what?
The problem is that it's exactly your high-vibe place that you need to draw on to have the courage to do what's right for you.
The What-If Flowchart of Insanity (the WIFI) thinking is paralyzing. It robs you of your passion, your sense of adventure, your success, and minutes of your life that you can't get back. (Believe me, I understand. As someone who was mediated for anxiety for most of her life, I get it.)
The WIFI is born out of one thing:
The simple truth that in this matter, we do not trust ourselves to handle whatever may happen.
My clients are all highly intelligent, creative, interesting, successful people. So when I hear them going down the WIFI, I interrupt and ask, "How much of what happens next can you control?"
We have no control.
What we CAN learn to control is our responding to whatever happens as a result of our actions.
But trying to create a flowchart of all the possible outcomes resulting from all the possible decisions?
Absolutely robbing you of your high vibe, your highest wisest inner self. It's fear-based, and it's keeping you down.
The question isn't, "How can I perfectly predict and control this outcome so I can be safe?
The question is, "How can I build resilience and coping so that I can completely trust myself no matter what happens in this matter?"
How can I trust myself to:
Fear is supposed to keep us safe. It's supposed to keep us behind a wall so that no criticism, rejection, hurt, pain, or loneliness can get us.
The fallacy in that model is that eventually, those things are going to get us for one reason or another. After all, it's been said that "Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional". We'll only be free of rejection, hurt, pain, suffering, and loneliness when we fully love ourselves. Then, no one can make us feel any of those things.
While we're working on fully loving ourselves, how can we build resilience to cope with the pain the our decisions might bring, instead of wasting precious moments headed down the What If Flowchart of Insanity?
One of my favorite exercises is to tap into the resilience of the past. When in the past have you been resilient in the face of criticism or rejection? When have you been able to be alone, and thrive? When have you been able to view "failure" as just another opportunity?
What learning and knowing from that time can you bring into the present situation?
Yes, sometimes it is that simple. A call to remember a time when your wisest, highest self ~ your ego-less self, who isn't impacted by fear, loneliness, rejection, or suffering ~ was in charge.
Do this right now, during a time when you're NOT seized by the WIFI. Call your inner highest self to mind. A time you stood in your power. A time you were able to not only withstand, but thrive in the face of rejection. WRITE IT DOWN for your future reference.
Because if you're like me, your wisest inner self can sometimes go on vacation at the time you need her most. I'd love to hear your stories of power and truth - of times your highest self ran the show. Hit reply and share!
Or, feeling REALLY BOLD? Want to practice being fearless and visible?
Share your story on social media using the hashtag #FreeAndFearless. Storytelling is a powerful connector. Let's connect!
It takes sustained, 1:1 intensive attention to create permanent change in your world. I'm opening 1 space in my intensive 1:1 coaching program, Fuck the Status Quo, for you if: You're ready to step up and own the room with your power and presence. If you want to be the first to know when it opens and grab the seat, hop on the mailing list.